D2K

Strong Voices

Talking to your partners about safer sex is never easy. Not everyone is comfortable bringing up the subject. Here are some tips on how to communicate your need to be safe:

1. How do I bring a condom into the conversation?
2. I am afraid that asking my partner about HIV, STDs, or HEP will kill the mood. What should I do?
3. How do I disclose if I am HIV-positive?
4. How do I respond when hearing someone is HIV-positive?
5. Anonymous sex and casual hook-ups can already be awkward, so what can I say?

1. How do I bring a condom into the conversation?

• Rather than talking about using a condom, set a good example and just pull one out and put it on.

2. I am afraid that asking my partner about HIV, STDs, or HEP will kill the mood. What should I do?

• If you don't know someone's HIV status, or sexual history, and you think that bringing that conversation up will kill the mood, then you need to assume they are of the opposite status, no matter what they may be doing, or how "healthy" they may look.

3. How do I disclose if I am HIV-positive?

• Ask yourself ahead of time: "What is the best reaction I could get if I share this information?" and "What is the worst reaction I could get?" Chances are the reaction will fall somewhere in the middle.
• Find a place where your conversation can be private and nobody else will hear your business.
• Say something like, "I want to make sure you know something before we get started."
• Just do it! Take the chance. Most times, the sooner you disclose the better. If the person has issues with your HIV status its better to know that immediately. And most times the longer you wait to tell someone about your HIV status, the more likely they will have issues.
• If the person walks, maybe this wasn't someone you wanted to waste your time with.

4. How do I respond when hearing someone is HIV-positive?

• Be appreciative that they cared enough about you to share this information. If someone tells you their HIV status they are usually trying to protect your health.
• Reassure them that you know that this is their private information and you won't be going around telling everyone what they have shared.
• Be honest about your reaction. Don't hide your feelings. Most often the other person will sense your discomfort.
• Tell them your status. You might want to share your HIV status with them even before they share theirs. This may start some conversation that may lead to better sex than if you both didn't share this information.
• There are so many bigger reasons to reject someone other than HIV (pink leopard-print thongs just to name one). Let them know that HIV isn't that big a deal as long as you take steps to protect each other. Then take those steps.

5. Anonymous sex and casual hook-ups can already be awkward, so what can I say?

• We've all been there. You can just throw something out there before things go too far, like "Hey, just so you know, last time I got tested everything came back negative, but I still like to stay safe." And maybe he'll say, "Yeah, I got tested 3 weeks ago and everything's good on my end, too." Or "I should tell you that I'm HIV positive" and he'll say "Well, I'm not, so let's use condoms or just not have sex."
• It's really, really hard to have to disclose personal stuff, especially if you think it might ruin your chances to score, but when you do it lets your partner know that even though you just met you still care about his health and safety, and that you also care about yourself. Everyone's on the same page and it can actually make things less awkward afterwards.

To check out if you have any symptoms, view our symptoms chart before you go to consult with a doctor.